happy ending no more

TUESDAY

the dream turned out to be unreal in reality. i was still giving myself hopes that you’ll turn back.

i’ve lost so much tears because of you, i put in my all and love you more and more everyday, and this it how it ends

after 4 yrs, i cannot believe we’ve come to this end that i really hope it’s not true. but im glad i have friends and family who’s always there for me. and most importantly, Jesus who will never forsake me, who will always love me.

this 4 yrs has been a beautiful dream and i thank God that you were a part of my life. you’ve left a significant impact in my heart and i think i wont ever forget this 4yrs of love and TLC u’ve given to me. i was really happy when im always with you.

though this has come to an end, and im not sure how long i’ll take to get out of this grieve, i know God will pull me through this. i’ll learn to be strong

i’ve moved to iwantmyhappyending.wordpress.com

好想能守候在你的身旁
你温柔的眼光阻挡着忧伤
好想能停泊在你的海港
让船儿一直停放
永不再出航
我在每一个漆黑夜晚独自忧伤
害怕这思念却无法伪装
我在每一个破晓黎明等待着天亮
等待你给我不灭的火光
心里有话想说
心里的痛你懂
有太多太多的情感 覆水难收
心里有话想说
心里的痛你懂
我不愿埋怨的泪水
已经没有尽头

awesome dream

SATURDAY

i slept at 2-ish this morning. was watching the first three episodes of gossip girls season 3. same old messy relationships. im just watching for their styles and fashion.

woke up at 9+ coz i was disturbed by jesslyn han’s piano exam in the early morning. i didnt want to wake up early coz i had a terrific awesome dream. i was so freaking happy. but then, i had to wake up and i felt sad and terrible because i had to face reality. now, i can only just wait for a miracle.

my happy ending is not happening.

so very dumb

THURSDAY

today has been a busy day. woke up at 9-ish, played with zachary, continued with ethics proj, got ready to go pick jesslyn han up from sch before heading to serangoon garden to mail out some registered items and get some snacks for noon and then to pick up zachary’s lunch and dinner from his place. little zachary is staying over till sun coz my sis and her in-laws are in bkk now. shopping and eating!!!!!!!! i miss going there with darling, eating cheap seafood in chinatown, sipping birdnest in the hotel room at night, going for massages and the coziness of the room. sigh..

been thinking these few days that in just a matter of days, everything’s changed. i just feel that it’s all wrong, it shouldn’t be like that. i dunno what to think or feel anymore. just so sad it’s become like that. i totally didn’t expect it and dun want it to be like that. but i can’t do anything except wait.

i think double sh wants to webcam later at night because they wanna see their baby. accompanying my mum to novena tmr to buy toys for zachary. it’s gonna be lantern festival on sat. how i wish everything will become good once again. i pray for a happy ending

i miss you, i do

sleeeeeppp

MONDAY

wow! i slept from 12+am till 11 this morning. i think it’s the first time i’ve slept so long when im home. i guess my body aches, bruises, muscles ache made up for that.

gonna continue doing ethics proj already. hoping that i can finish it by this week so that i can start on IM.

no sch this wk! yeah

aches!!

SUNDAY

i had a difficult time sleeping last night. my thighs were so achy from the dancing, even worse from exercising. and kneeling on my bed was painful coz of the bruises from my kneecaps and front of foot.

i even had to use my hands to place my legs nicely on the bed before sleeping, or if i want to criss cross my legs. and my hands are also aching. goodness.. felt so useless la. like some disabled person.

and having period at this time makes it even harder

dancing day!!

SATURDAY

stupid period came in the morning before pilates!! and i tot i stained my tights in pole-licious. luckily it didn’t.

1120-12pm: Pilates
12-1pm: Pole-Licious
1-2pm: Belly Dancing
2-2.30pm: Hip Hop
2.30-3: Lunch
3-4pm: Pole-Styling and Stretch
4-5pm: Exotic Dance

3.5hrs of consecutive 3 different types of dances, followed by half an hr of lunch and then back to pole dancing and exotic dance is really tiring. food haven’t digest yet gotta go and exercise again!

and we all condemn the hip hop instructor, patrick!! super ya ya papaya, haolian and sarcastic! so we left halfway.. pek cek seeing him teach

still feeling full from afternoon’s noodles. and i didnt even finish it. still no appetite to really enjoy my food. i want to be happy!

my body’s aching! total of 11 bruises on my kneecaps and front of the foot!

:(

THURSDAY

past tues and wed has got to be the worst day of my life. the saddest day in fact. i shall not talk about it here coz i dunno how to and dun want to.

i havent slept well for 3 days. im so tired but i cant fall asleep. my tummy’s growling but i cant force any food down coz i feel like puking all the time. i only had a few mouths of hokkien mee yday till now. and i can only like drink plain water now?

having capstone as usual and next wk is the 2nd term break week. a time to quickly finish up projects like ethics and IM. i’ve started ethics just now, though it’s just the introduction part, but it beats having nothing right? i hope i can finish it in time.

duno when’s the next post gonna be coz there’s nothing happy to blog about anymore. 😦 sigh.. blame myself?